Exploring the Causes and Healing of Same-Sex Attraction
Historically, the Holy Grail, specifically the chalice used by Jesus Christ at the Last Supper, was the legendary object of many knights' quests throughout the ages. It was reputed to have possessed powers including healing and even immortality. Similarly, many men with same-sex attraction seek healing in some form. Ultimately, the Grail is of course, Jesus Christ Himself and a deeper relationship with Him. The following details how I found both.
Regarding the development of my own homosexuality, at first I believed what the secular pro-gay psychological establishment said. Following that line, most churches do not really advocate for, nor encourage men who struggle with same-sex attractions to seek change, at least not overtly. At best, they encourage celibacy for men with these deep-seated desires.
The first I had ever heard of "healing" was through talk shows which more or less made fun of the men who said they had left a life of homosexuality. To me, it just seemed too good to be true, particularly if there was no scientific backing. It wasn’t until my experience at Fatima that I was definitively told that there was a way and that the power of Jesus Christ really was sufficient to bring true and lasting freedom. This is NOT "praying the gay away" but rather, a reintegration of the masculine self and a reorientation away from homosexuality and toward healthy relationships with men.
OK. So now I bet you're thinking, "Well, if men aren't born gay, how do they get that way?"
That's a great question.
The following Scripture passage (1 Corinthians 6:9-11) is an important one in answering that question because it explicitly asserts that change is possible.
"Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither the immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor robbers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God."
The reading lists many of the sins which were committed by members of the Corinthian church, before being converted to Jesus Christ.
Note that after the list, Saint Paul says, “And such were some of you.” He doesn’t say, “And such some of you used to do.”
So, in other words, at least some of the Corinthian Christians left the “gay lifestyle” of their day in order to follow Jesus Christ. There was some sort of an interior change beyond that of just actions. They were then sanctified in His name and presumably left their sinful lives behind. Note also the sins which are held equivalent to homosexual acts: greediness, stealing, gossiping and drunkenness, among others. Paul’s point is that sin is sin and we should not attempt to fool ourselves by saying that what we do is “not that bad” compared to someone else.
So, in order to continue the process of perfection in the Christian life, during my healing journey I had to root out the areas of my life where I experienced the proclivity to sin. I knew that one of the first things I had to do was discover the origins of my homosexuality. In the research that I did, which was admittedly, not approved by today’s “psychological experts,” it seems that there were some emerging patterns.
Although most therapists and theorists who argue against homosexuality as an “alternative lifestyle” are generally silenced by political and professional peer pressure and even legal maneuvers, there is still a modest body of literature which supports the idea that it is a deviation from normal male sexuality which is evident from a simple internet search on the topic.
The general theory is that when boys are little, they are at first bonded to their mother during infancy and early childhood. Later as they grow (around the age of two or three), they begin to separate from their mothers and begin to be attracted to the world of men.
During that time, the healthy boy will detach from the mother and begin bonding with the father (and/or) other males. If this does not happen (or happens in a way in which the boy cannot relate), the boy will usually find that he has trouble forming a strong masculine identity. Once puberty hits and the sex hormones start kicking in, the sexual drive is then attached to this identity confusion and the struggle becomes sexualized or eroticized in unhealthy ways.
I can understand why people think they are “born gay” though. There may be some genetic predispositions and even some hormone imbalances which could influence a boy to have strong same-sex attractions, but I would question the science behind any experiment which claims to find a “gay” gene, simply because sexual expression is far too varied to be the result of any one genetic switch.
The long and short of it is that if boys who require a lot of male affirmation and love do not get that the way that they need it, they may experience a developmental block, of sorts, which causes their need to become sexualized.
In most of these cases, the feeling of being “different” is probably there for as long as the child can remember, so it should not be surprising to hear men who identify as “gay” say that they have “always” known they were different. I used to feel that way myself.
Many gay activists offer this as “proof” that they were “born this way” or even that God desires that they have sex with men.
I can’t condemn any one for the life they lead because I don’t know their personal journey that got them there. I can only say, based on my own experience, that God wanted more for me. I can say, however, that I don’t believe that just because a man has same-sex attractions he needs to engage in intercourse with other men, nor do I believe that sex with other men will lead to true joy, peace and happiness.
Thus, the development of same-sex attraction in men is a complex one that is not easily pigeon-holed. In some of the research I’ve read, theorists suggest that it is more accurate to refer to it not as homosexuality but rather homosexualities. Although I am not trying to make a comparison to a disease model here, we often say that we have a “cold” which covers a certain set of symptoms that although they may look very similar are, in reality, caused by any one of a number of bacteria or viruses.
The germs will differ in how and where they attack the body and the resulting effects, but if we were to look at it from the outside, we would actually see very little difference in manifestation and everyone who reports having a cold will say the same general things.
In the same way, same-sex attraction can come about in a large variety of ways and although there are similarities, no two men have traveled exactly the same path and experience it exactly the same way.
There are, however, a number of commonalities that seem to be present in a lot of these cases. I have attempted to compile a non-exhaustive list of some common factors:
1.Sexual abuse or molestation
2.Physical abuse (by men)
3.Lack of a father-figure or other significant male role-model; sometimes coupled with an overly emotional bond with the mother
4.Poor relationships with and/or bullying by male peers
5.Body-image issues
6.Weak masculine identity
7.Poor boundaries with the mother or mother-figure
8.Lack of “investment” in male culture
9.Sexual experimentation with other men or boys, often accompanied by use of pornography
Again, this is a somewhat simplistic list about a very complicated and sensitive topic.
Not all factors are present in all situations, and there may be other factors not on this list but some combination of the above factors seems to elevate the risk of same-sex attraction in men, according to the research.
One of the fascinating things about humanity is that we truly are as Saint John Paul II and other personalist philosophers note, unique and unrepeatable entities. So two different people can experience similar things and turn out completely different.
For example, how many times have we heard of cases where people undergo similar horrific abuse and one turns out to be a serial killer and the other ends up becoming (sometimes literally) a saint?
It is no different with the development of homosexuality. Although I ended up struggling with same-sex attractions, I know a number of men who had similar life experiences to mine yet do not struggle with homosexuality.
In any case, it really needs to be a “perfect storm” for homosexuality to develop in a man. If some of the factors are not present, it is likely that same-sex attraction won’t be present, either. For me, most of the factors were, unfortunately, present.
So how was I healed off SSA, you ask? It was a really simple plan but most of it didn’t depend on me. A lot of it was simply being open to others and to the promptings of the Holy Spirit. Can anyone do it?
Absolutely.
Will it have the same effect for everyone that it had for me?
Probably not.
Some may not experience the depth of healing that I did; others may experience more. The way same-sex attraction develops in each man is different. Again, I like the analogy of homosexualities rather than the singular.
This is the plan that worked for me though and I think it is one that would work for many men who struggle as I have:
If you read this and a lot of it sounds familiar, it should; at least the first seven steps should. They are the basic steps of any Christian who is seeking a deeper relationship with Jesus Christ, particularly if they seek healing of some aspect of their lives. The remainder are a summary of what I have found in my own personal struggle with SSA. It worked for me.
Again, I do want to point out that what I’m talking about here is NOT some magical formula to “pray the gay away”. As many ministries who went down that route and later collapsed under the weight of false claims have shown, that just doesn’t work.
What I am talking about here as what the Gospels render in Greek as metanoia, roughly translated as “true, deep, lasting conversion”. It means a complete reordering of one’s life to conform it to that of Jesus Christ. It’s not about changing anything but rather healing and becoming a better man and a better Christian. One of the beautiful things about struggling with SSA is that the path of our sanctity is clear and specific. Once we set down the road, we simply enter more deeply into the life and Passion of Jesus Christ.
So although the amount of “change” may vary from person to person, the Lord wants us to ask for what we desire and then let Him do the rest. Practically speaking, it is similar to what Saint Thomas a’ Kempis proposed in his Imitation of Christ. (Book I, Chapter 25)
One day when a certain man who wavered often and anxiously between hope and fear was struck with sadness, he knelt in humble prayer before the altar of a church. While meditating on these things, he said: "Oh if I but knew whether I should persevere to the end!" Instantly he heard within the divine answer: "If you knew this, what would you do? Do now what you would do then and you will be quite secure." Immediately consoled and comforted, he resigned himself to the divine will and the anxious uncertainty ceased. His curiosity no longer sought to know what the future held for him, and he tried instead to find the perfect, the acceptable will of God in the beginning and end of every good work.
There is one thing that keeps many from zealously improving their lives, that is, dread of the difficulty, the toil of battle. Certainly they who try bravely to overcome the most difficult and unpleasant obstacles far outstrip others in the pursuit of virtue. A man makes the most progress and merits the most grace precisely in those matters wherein he gains the greatest victories over self and most mortifies his will. True, each one has his own difficulties to meet and conquer, but a diligent and sincere man will make greater progress even though he have more passions than one who is more even-tempered but less concerned about virtue.
Two things particularly further improvement – to withdraw oneself forcibly from those vices to which nature is viciously inclined, and to work fervently for those graces which are most needed. [emphasis mine]
Thus, the struggle with homosexuality is not a sidebar issue to distract us from the way to holiness. It is the way to holiness.
So, using this point of view, I adopted the above-mentioned program and based it on that same principle. If you seek the healing of your masculine soul, do the above steps and act as if you’ve already received that healing, confident in the Lord’s grace. Over the years it has worked for me and I can truly say that I know I am a satisfied heterosexual man, not without his insecurities and flaws and not completely without SSA, but a full and real man, nonetheless, after the image of Jesus Christ.
So, now you might be thinking, “What if I try this and it doesn’t work?”
If you truly try it, I would say it almost has to work. Now, again, you may not experience the depth of the healing that I did or you may experience even more than I did. I don’t really know. One thing I can guarantee is that you will enter into a deeper relationship with Jesus Christ and you will find healing and redemption for your suffering.
So, if you are struggling with SSA or maybe have even adopted a gay lifestyle or identity, I would like to challenge you to try this for one year.
I challenge you to take the chance.
It’s only a year, right? After the year is over, then you can revisit your life choices and make a new choice based on this new year of information. What do you have to lose?
In his inaugural homily on April 24, 2005 Pope Benedict XVI summed it up best when he said to the congregation and the world,
And so, today, with great strength and great conviction, on the basis of long personal experience of life, I say to you, dear young people: Do not be afraid of Christ! He takes nothing away, and he gives you everything. When we give ourselves to him, we receive a hundredfold in return. Yes, open, open wide the doors to Christ – and you will find true life. Amen.
So, go on! Be a man! Open those doors and let that grace flow in!
Regarding the development of my own homosexuality, at first I believed what the secular pro-gay psychological establishment said. Following that line, most churches do not really advocate for, nor encourage men who struggle with same-sex attractions to seek change, at least not overtly. At best, they encourage celibacy for men with these deep-seated desires.
The first I had ever heard of "healing" was through talk shows which more or less made fun of the men who said they had left a life of homosexuality. To me, it just seemed too good to be true, particularly if there was no scientific backing. It wasn’t until my experience at Fatima that I was definitively told that there was a way and that the power of Jesus Christ really was sufficient to bring true and lasting freedom. This is NOT "praying the gay away" but rather, a reintegration of the masculine self and a reorientation away from homosexuality and toward healthy relationships with men.
OK. So now I bet you're thinking, "Well, if men aren't born gay, how do they get that way?"
That's a great question.
The following Scripture passage (1 Corinthians 6:9-11) is an important one in answering that question because it explicitly asserts that change is possible.
"Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither the immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor robbers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God."
The reading lists many of the sins which were committed by members of the Corinthian church, before being converted to Jesus Christ.
Note that after the list, Saint Paul says, “And such were some of you.” He doesn’t say, “And such some of you used to do.”
So, in other words, at least some of the Corinthian Christians left the “gay lifestyle” of their day in order to follow Jesus Christ. There was some sort of an interior change beyond that of just actions. They were then sanctified in His name and presumably left their sinful lives behind. Note also the sins which are held equivalent to homosexual acts: greediness, stealing, gossiping and drunkenness, among others. Paul’s point is that sin is sin and we should not attempt to fool ourselves by saying that what we do is “not that bad” compared to someone else.
So, in order to continue the process of perfection in the Christian life, during my healing journey I had to root out the areas of my life where I experienced the proclivity to sin. I knew that one of the first things I had to do was discover the origins of my homosexuality. In the research that I did, which was admittedly, not approved by today’s “psychological experts,” it seems that there were some emerging patterns.
Although most therapists and theorists who argue against homosexuality as an “alternative lifestyle” are generally silenced by political and professional peer pressure and even legal maneuvers, there is still a modest body of literature which supports the idea that it is a deviation from normal male sexuality which is evident from a simple internet search on the topic.
The general theory is that when boys are little, they are at first bonded to their mother during infancy and early childhood. Later as they grow (around the age of two or three), they begin to separate from their mothers and begin to be attracted to the world of men.
During that time, the healthy boy will detach from the mother and begin bonding with the father (and/or) other males. If this does not happen (or happens in a way in which the boy cannot relate), the boy will usually find that he has trouble forming a strong masculine identity. Once puberty hits and the sex hormones start kicking in, the sexual drive is then attached to this identity confusion and the struggle becomes sexualized or eroticized in unhealthy ways.
I can understand why people think they are “born gay” though. There may be some genetic predispositions and even some hormone imbalances which could influence a boy to have strong same-sex attractions, but I would question the science behind any experiment which claims to find a “gay” gene, simply because sexual expression is far too varied to be the result of any one genetic switch.
The long and short of it is that if boys who require a lot of male affirmation and love do not get that the way that they need it, they may experience a developmental block, of sorts, which causes their need to become sexualized.
In most of these cases, the feeling of being “different” is probably there for as long as the child can remember, so it should not be surprising to hear men who identify as “gay” say that they have “always” known they were different. I used to feel that way myself.
Many gay activists offer this as “proof” that they were “born this way” or even that God desires that they have sex with men.
I can’t condemn any one for the life they lead because I don’t know their personal journey that got them there. I can only say, based on my own experience, that God wanted more for me. I can say, however, that I don’t believe that just because a man has same-sex attractions he needs to engage in intercourse with other men, nor do I believe that sex with other men will lead to true joy, peace and happiness.
Thus, the development of same-sex attraction in men is a complex one that is not easily pigeon-holed. In some of the research I’ve read, theorists suggest that it is more accurate to refer to it not as homosexuality but rather homosexualities. Although I am not trying to make a comparison to a disease model here, we often say that we have a “cold” which covers a certain set of symptoms that although they may look very similar are, in reality, caused by any one of a number of bacteria or viruses.
The germs will differ in how and where they attack the body and the resulting effects, but if we were to look at it from the outside, we would actually see very little difference in manifestation and everyone who reports having a cold will say the same general things.
In the same way, same-sex attraction can come about in a large variety of ways and although there are similarities, no two men have traveled exactly the same path and experience it exactly the same way.
There are, however, a number of commonalities that seem to be present in a lot of these cases. I have attempted to compile a non-exhaustive list of some common factors:
1.Sexual abuse or molestation
2.Physical abuse (by men)
3.Lack of a father-figure or other significant male role-model; sometimes coupled with an overly emotional bond with the mother
4.Poor relationships with and/or bullying by male peers
5.Body-image issues
6.Weak masculine identity
7.Poor boundaries with the mother or mother-figure
8.Lack of “investment” in male culture
9.Sexual experimentation with other men or boys, often accompanied by use of pornography
Again, this is a somewhat simplistic list about a very complicated and sensitive topic.
Not all factors are present in all situations, and there may be other factors not on this list but some combination of the above factors seems to elevate the risk of same-sex attraction in men, according to the research.
One of the fascinating things about humanity is that we truly are as Saint John Paul II and other personalist philosophers note, unique and unrepeatable entities. So two different people can experience similar things and turn out completely different.
For example, how many times have we heard of cases where people undergo similar horrific abuse and one turns out to be a serial killer and the other ends up becoming (sometimes literally) a saint?
It is no different with the development of homosexuality. Although I ended up struggling with same-sex attractions, I know a number of men who had similar life experiences to mine yet do not struggle with homosexuality.
In any case, it really needs to be a “perfect storm” for homosexuality to develop in a man. If some of the factors are not present, it is likely that same-sex attraction won’t be present, either. For me, most of the factors were, unfortunately, present.
So how was I healed off SSA, you ask? It was a really simple plan but most of it didn’t depend on me. A lot of it was simply being open to others and to the promptings of the Holy Spirit. Can anyone do it?
Absolutely.
Will it have the same effect for everyone that it had for me?
Probably not.
Some may not experience the depth of healing that I did; others may experience more. The way same-sex attraction develops in each man is different. Again, I like the analogy of homosexualities rather than the singular.
This is the plan that worked for me though and I think it is one that would work for many men who struggle as I have:
- If you have never done to before, ask for and accept at this moment the true Lordship of Jesus Christ into your life. Accept him as your personal Savior and ask Him to reveal Himself to you and take complete control of your life. Surrender everything to Him. Fall in love with Him.
- Attend Mass and receive the Holy Eucharist as often as possible. If you are not Catholic, seek out whatever worship opportunities are available in your community and go be a part of them as often as you can, particularly if they are geared toward men.
- Frequent the Sacrament of Reconciliation often, even when you are not conscious of mortal sin. Most spiritual giants recommend at least once a month. Saint John Paul II went EVERY WEEK. If you are not Catholic, discuss your sins with an understanding pastor or minister. If you ask them, many Catholic priests are willing to listen even though they cannot grant sacramental absolution to non-Catholics.
- Fast, do penance or perform some other kind of mortification regularly. People often object to this because they say the God doesn’t desire our suffering. Perfectly true. He doesn’t. However, we live in a fallen world and it is precisely through suffering that we find our way back to him. Fasting or other mortification is really for us, not for Him. When we engage in regular self-denial, it serves the dual purpose of strengthening our own resolve in our own struggles and also kind of puts our proverbial monies where our mouths are. Thus, it makes our prayers more efficacious. It also improves our self-mastery which leads to greater spiritual strength. We thus give the Lord a sign of our resolve to do what we say we will do and He honors that. This can be something as simple as taking a cold shower, skipping a meal, abstaining from social media for a time or just about anything else that causes you to deny your own will.
- Make sure you have a deep prayer life, with silent meditation while sitting in front of the Blessed Sacrament, whenever possible. This can be done daily, couple of times a week or during a weekly holy hour. Talk to Jesus about everything that matters to you. This is how you give Him your life and your heart. Know that He is waiting there for you and wants to hear from you.
- Read the Gospels and study and meditate on the life of Jesus Christ. Note how He treated others, what He said, what he did, who He is. He is the perfect man. Try to model all of your being after His life.
- Cultivate a relationship and true devotion to the Blessed Mother of Jesus Christ, especially through meditation on the Rosary. Ask her to always protect you, defend you and keep you on a sure path to her Divine Son. Remember that no saint knows Jesus Christ better than His own specifically chosen mother. The best form of devotion would be to consecrate yourself to Jesus Christ through Mary.
- Thank God every day for the gift of your masculine sexuality and ask Him to untwist any distortions within it.
- Read Saint John Paul II’s Theology of the Body. A word of warning, though, it is a dense philosophical and theological work and you might benefit from also reading one of the many companion books written to explain it. I particularly like the work of Christopher West but any solid Catholic author or speaker will do the trick. Some people find John Paul’s work so intense that the explanatory books might be more helpful than the work itself.
- Read the biographies of male saints, particularly the modern ones. They are amazing and accessible models of manhood. I, of course, especially recommend those about John Paul the Great, particularly George Weigel’s exhaustive two-volume set, Witness to Hope and The End and the Beginning. For a lighter and more devotional read which is no less satisfying, check out Jason Evert's Saint John Paul the Great: His Five Loves.
- Read books written on the healing of homosexuality. The classic works on the subject still remain Joseph Nicolosi’s Reparative Therapy of the Male Homosexual and Shame and Attachment Loss: The Practical Work of Reparative Therapy. There are other good books out there as well including Gerald Van Den Aardwig’s The Battle for Normality. This has a particularly good journaling section which I highly recommend. Links for both and other resources can be found here.
- This is an important one. Consciously work on friendships and relationships with men, if possible, with your father and male family members and with your peer group. I cannot emphasize enough how important this is. For me, it is kind of like learning a foreign language. You won't really be able to speak it unless you immerse yourself in it completely.
- Get in touch with your physical maleness. Men experience the world through their bodies in a very unique way. Get into some kind of healthy exercise regimen that you like, whether it be natural body-building, running/jogging, swimming, sports teams or some other activity. It is an added benefit if you can do this with other men. Pay attention to your body while you do these things and savor the feeling of being a man.
- Consider all the areas where you feel “outside” of the male world in your life whether it be gardening, cars, hunting, sports, hobbies, etc. If you don’t have any interests in these areas, at least try to get a basic idea about these things so you can make some connections with men. Or, find a typical masculine area of interest that interests you and go do it!
- When you experience same-sex attractions, take that into prayer and ask the Lord to show you why you feel attracted to this particular man. What is it you like about him? Is there a particular part of his body you find alluring? Are you attracted to a certain “type”? Is what you like about him an area where you feel deficient? Mediate and pray on this again and again until it becomes a part of your being.
- Ask the Lord to illuminate those areas in your life where you don’t feel “man enough”. Then ask Him to heal those parts of your heart and to fill you with a masculine spirit. This is not a one-time thing. You will also need to do this constantly so that it becomes a part of your way of thinking and being. You will have to retrain your mind.
- If there is an area of your life where your father or some other man/boy caused you pain, during prayer or within a counseling session, ask the Lord to enter that pain with you and to help you move past it toward healing. If you think you need help to do this (and you probably do; it’s not a task for the faint of heart), see a priest, deacon or other minister or even a counselor or therapist (just be sure the therapist is a trusted one with a solid grounding in Christian sexuality who will not try to use gay-affirmative therapy on you). Again, you may need to repeat this over many times.
- If possible, seek psychotherapy, particularly reparative therapy, if it is available. Again, make sure the therapist is respectful of your beliefs even if he or she may not necessarily be familiar with orientation change.
If you read this and a lot of it sounds familiar, it should; at least the first seven steps should. They are the basic steps of any Christian who is seeking a deeper relationship with Jesus Christ, particularly if they seek healing of some aspect of their lives. The remainder are a summary of what I have found in my own personal struggle with SSA. It worked for me.
Again, I do want to point out that what I’m talking about here is NOT some magical formula to “pray the gay away”. As many ministries who went down that route and later collapsed under the weight of false claims have shown, that just doesn’t work.
What I am talking about here as what the Gospels render in Greek as metanoia, roughly translated as “true, deep, lasting conversion”. It means a complete reordering of one’s life to conform it to that of Jesus Christ. It’s not about changing anything but rather healing and becoming a better man and a better Christian. One of the beautiful things about struggling with SSA is that the path of our sanctity is clear and specific. Once we set down the road, we simply enter more deeply into the life and Passion of Jesus Christ.
So although the amount of “change” may vary from person to person, the Lord wants us to ask for what we desire and then let Him do the rest. Practically speaking, it is similar to what Saint Thomas a’ Kempis proposed in his Imitation of Christ. (Book I, Chapter 25)
One day when a certain man who wavered often and anxiously between hope and fear was struck with sadness, he knelt in humble prayer before the altar of a church. While meditating on these things, he said: "Oh if I but knew whether I should persevere to the end!" Instantly he heard within the divine answer: "If you knew this, what would you do? Do now what you would do then and you will be quite secure." Immediately consoled and comforted, he resigned himself to the divine will and the anxious uncertainty ceased. His curiosity no longer sought to know what the future held for him, and he tried instead to find the perfect, the acceptable will of God in the beginning and end of every good work.
There is one thing that keeps many from zealously improving their lives, that is, dread of the difficulty, the toil of battle. Certainly they who try bravely to overcome the most difficult and unpleasant obstacles far outstrip others in the pursuit of virtue. A man makes the most progress and merits the most grace precisely in those matters wherein he gains the greatest victories over self and most mortifies his will. True, each one has his own difficulties to meet and conquer, but a diligent and sincere man will make greater progress even though he have more passions than one who is more even-tempered but less concerned about virtue.
Two things particularly further improvement – to withdraw oneself forcibly from those vices to which nature is viciously inclined, and to work fervently for those graces which are most needed. [emphasis mine]
Thus, the struggle with homosexuality is not a sidebar issue to distract us from the way to holiness. It is the way to holiness.
So, using this point of view, I adopted the above-mentioned program and based it on that same principle. If you seek the healing of your masculine soul, do the above steps and act as if you’ve already received that healing, confident in the Lord’s grace. Over the years it has worked for me and I can truly say that I know I am a satisfied heterosexual man, not without his insecurities and flaws and not completely without SSA, but a full and real man, nonetheless, after the image of Jesus Christ.
So, now you might be thinking, “What if I try this and it doesn’t work?”
If you truly try it, I would say it almost has to work. Now, again, you may not experience the depth of the healing that I did or you may experience even more than I did. I don’t really know. One thing I can guarantee is that you will enter into a deeper relationship with Jesus Christ and you will find healing and redemption for your suffering.
So, if you are struggling with SSA or maybe have even adopted a gay lifestyle or identity, I would like to challenge you to try this for one year.
I challenge you to take the chance.
It’s only a year, right? After the year is over, then you can revisit your life choices and make a new choice based on this new year of information. What do you have to lose?
In his inaugural homily on April 24, 2005 Pope Benedict XVI summed it up best when he said to the congregation and the world,
And so, today, with great strength and great conviction, on the basis of long personal experience of life, I say to you, dear young people: Do not be afraid of Christ! He takes nothing away, and he gives you everything. When we give ourselves to him, we receive a hundredfold in return. Yes, open, open wide the doors to Christ – and you will find true life. Amen.
So, go on! Be a man! Open those doors and let that grace flow in!