As instruments of Her Immaculate Heart and soldiers under her command in service of our great King, with St. Michael, St. Maximilian Kolbe, and St. Joseph as our model Knights, we pray that we become the heel of Mary. May our daily prayers and sacrifices be used to crush the head of the serpent out of one another's lives, out of Franciscan University, and out of the world, so that through her, the perfect reign of Jesus Christ might come over all.
- from Knights of the Holy Queen Household Covenant
So, it was one thing to relate to men as individuals but I still somehow needed to get into the world of men. I now needed to learn how to relate with other men in general. For that, the Lord would send me away again to a strange land. As I prepared to graduate from college, I began to feel that He was calling me to discern graduate school, specifically to pursue a Master’s Degree in Counseling at a very unique school.
At the start of my college career, my little secret was hidden safely away from prying eyes. I had imprisoned myself in my own loneliness, allowing no visitors to my tortured soul. Gradually, this loneliness gave way more directly to anger at God, whom I perceived to be the Cause of my malady. Why would God give me these painful and sometimes consuming passions only to forbid me to act on them? Why did He persist in His torture of me? What did He want? I had already resolved not to seek a sinful path. Why then couldn’t God leave me alone, then? I struggled so hard. I knew in my heart what was right. Why this awful conflict, I cried to Heaven? I hated myself. Why was I like this?