As instruments of Her Immaculate Heart and soldiers under her command in service of our great King, with St. Michael, St. Maximilian Kolbe, and St. Joseph as our model Knights, we pray that we become the heel of Mary. May our daily prayers and sacrifices be used to crush the head of the serpent out of one another's lives, out of Franciscan University, and out of the world, so that through her, the perfect reign of Jesus Christ might come over all.
- from Knights of the Holy Queen Household Covenant So, it was one thing to relate to men as individuals but I still somehow needed to get into the world of men. I now needed to learn how to relate with other men in general. For that, the Lord would send me away again to a strange land. As I prepared to graduate from college, I began to feel that He was calling me to discern graduate school, specifically to pursue a Master’s Degree in Counseling at a very unique school.
Although largely overlooked by many, Franciscan University is located in the “rust-belt” town of Steubenville, Ohio. It is renowned as one of the most dynamic and most faithful of all the Catholic universities in the United States, if not the world. Largely through the work of Father Michael Scanlan, TOR, the university transformed from one of the nation’s biggest “party schools” into a bastion of Catholic orthodoxy. One of the ways he accomplished this was through a system known as households.
At a risk of oversimplifying these complex and inspiring organizations, a men's household is almost a cross between a covenant community and a fraternity. It is a fraternity in the truest sense of the word because is based entirely on brotherhood. They pray together, have fellowship together and love each other unconditionally. From the beginning, the household experience was powerful and intense for me. I never had brothers growing up so I never got to have that experience but the bond we had and the love we all shared was like nothing I have experienced before or since. It was an incredible bond, even with brothers I didn't know that well or at all. It truly changed my life and made me the man I am today. I still don’t fully understand how I arrived on the campus of Franciscan University. The only thing I really knew about it was what I had seen on the Eternal Word Television Network (EWTN) and quite frankly, it didn’t make a great impression on me. It seemed like a tiny little school out in the boondocks of Ohio. Even when I said that name, people would mockingly say, “Stupid-ville?” Apparently, as the Scriptures say, the foolishness of God is so much greater than the wisdom of men. As my last year of college rolled around, I was considering grad schools and all of a sudden, the thought of Steubenville crossed my mind. I quickly dismissed it thinking, “No, I want to go to a real school for graduate studies.” But, the thought was persistent. Somehow, I knew that I was supposed to be there. God was calling me to be there. Our Lady was waiting there for me. I was convinced. It was another “Land of Holy Mary” to which the Queen Mother invited me to come, this time, not on pilgrimage, but as a student. I would not leave for two weeks this time but for two years. Like the great column of cloud or the pillar of fire from the Old Testament, the Blessed Virgin was showing yet another way to a deeper relationship with Jesus Christ - the next step on my journey, and it was a big one. So, in August of 1998, I found myself in Steubenville looking for a place to live and beginning the pursuit of my MA in Counseling. I wasn’t yet sure exactly what I was doing there, but I knew that this was the next layer of my healing. In my research about the university, I had already learned about the household system and I also knew that I was going to join one. But, which one? There were at least twenty when I was there and I really didn’t know what to expect. Did they haze? Would I be welcome there since I was somewhat older as a graduate student and the households were primarily undergraduate? Would they accept me? I eventually found that the answers to those questions were, “No,” “Yes” and “An Emphatic Yes.” The first place I started to look was at what is called a Household Life Mass. This is basically a liturgy where the entire household system comes together for worship. The first one of the school year would be held on August 28th, the Feast of Saint Augustine of Hippo, outside under the trademark Summer Conference “big top” tent for which the University is famous. Household representatives all processed in one at a time, holding up the banner of their respective household. As the music ministry played “Lift High the Banners of Love,” I saw the banner of my future household, The Knights of the Holy Queen and was instantly attracted to it. Every household also prints its own unique t-shirt which all members are supposed to wear on designated “shirt” days, one of which is the Household Life Mass. The shirt of the Knights was a beige one with a stylized image of the Virgin Mary of the front and various quotations from the Scriptures and St. Maximilian Kolbe on the back, all in dark blue ink. I grew more and more intrigued with these men and I had to find them, so I positioned myself so I could see who they were. Once I saw them, I felt an inspiration in my heart. It was as if Our Lady whispered to me in the deep recesses of my soul, “Go to these men, your brothers. This is where I have called you.” From that moment on, I had no doubt. This was where I was supposed to be. She had told me. At the university, it is encouraged that students discern the different households, because it is similar to pledging a fraternity or joining a religious community. The expectation is that once a man or woman joins, they will not leave that community for another, barring unusual circumstances. So, usually the prospective household member will take a semester or so before actually committing to a household, but I just knew this was the one for me! So, I immediately expressed my interest in joining to one of the brothers named Eli. Eli is a very unique man. He is very much a hippie surfer-dude from Southern California. He is tall and athletic and when I met him, His shoulder-length, wavy hair was bound in a ponytail. He had the most loving and gentle eyes and a purity of soul that astounded me. He was so not me. But, that didn't matter. Concerned that I might be jumping into things a little too quickly, he said, “You know, you might want to discern other households before you actually decide to become one of us…you know, make sure God is calling you here.” I replied, “I know this seems quick but Our Lady told me that she wants me here, so there is no doubt in my mind. I belong here.” Eli’s look of concern turned into a smile as he gave me a big bear hug and said, “Then welcome, brother.” As I began to join these men in their weekly prayers, that sense of belongingness grew and grew. We were from very different walks of life and had equally varied spiritualities and lifestyles. There was a large contingent from the great city of New Orleans, another from Southern California and many other regions of the United States. Some of us were studious. Others not so much. There were brothers who back then we would have called “preps,” “jocks,” “ganstas,” “goths” and those who hailed from just about every other subculture. There were students, artists, musicians, athletes and every combination thereof. There were those who struggled in their walk and those who appeared not to. We used to say that there were only two things we had in common: the first was that we had nothing in common and the second was that we knew we were specially chosen by Our Holy Queen, to be together as a brotherhood. One of the things that exemplifies for me the whole experience of how different we all were from each other is a Rosary made for me by one of the brothers. It is unique because it is woven of hemp fibers. It is, to me, a beautiful work of art and exemplifies the need that we all have to sanctify the goods of the world in the name of Jesus Christ. When we are “knighted” all the knights take a “sir” name of a saint to whom they have devotion or to whom they feel otherwise drawn, similar to the way consecrated religious take a new name when they enter a community. In similar fashion to fraternities, we also had “big brothers” that more or less sponsored us as we discerned into household. By Divine Providence, Eli was mine. We called our “big” our “model knight” while those of us who were not yet knighted were called “squires”. The model knight’s job is basically to instruct prospective knights into the ways of household. He is there to serve as an example of service and loyalty. This culminates in an initiation ceremony, which reinforces the idea that we are there to serve each other as Christ served us. Later on in the semester, there is a knighting ceremony where all the new knights pledge their loyalty to each of the older knights and one another by embracing, looking each other straight in the eye and stating, “Brother to brother, through life, death and all eternity, in honor of Mary Our Queen and Jesus Our King.” I don’t think I can put into words the profound effect all these rituals were having in my soul. God’s grace was poured out on me through these men in a very tangible and concrete way, but not a way that I can clearly explain. I do, however, remember the day I wore the household shirt for the first time. When I put it on, I felt a physical stirring in my body. It was as if my own manhood was rising up from within me. I felt as if I had found a piece of myself that had been lost, or at least hidden for a long time. I felt whole. For the first time in my life, I felt like a man. I had made it into the world of men. I was at last, “one of the guys.” I was a Knight. The Knights of the Holy Queen is more than just a household. Every one of us believes that we were specifically and personally chosen by Our Lady to be a part of it. It’s just bigger than any of us; all of us would testify to that. Many of our brothers have gone on to do amazing things for the Church, the most publicly famous of whom are probably Chris Stefanick, the founder of Real-Life Catholic and Chris Stewart of Casting Nets Ministries. Others do not have the same public notoriety but nonetheless serve the Church as priests, in various diocesan and parish offices, in Catholic schools and in other organizations, apostolates and ministries that further the mission of the Catholic Church in spreading the Gospel. Most, however live more quiet lives in the world as devoted husbands and fathers. I couldn't possibly be more proud of these great men. I am so incredibly blessed and humbled to count myself among them. If by chance I meet a brother that I have not seen in a number of years, when we finally meet again, it is like that time apart never existed. Intimacy is almost instantly re-established. I can’t even say that I was super close to all of these men, but yet I know, in the deepest depths of my being that they are my brothers…and always will be. Even if I never see some of them again on earth, that our fellowship will reassemble in the Kingdom. Even now, many of us still keep in contact almost daily via an email group. The group is a great way to stay in touch because we are scattered throughout not only the country, but the world. Since so many of us are now busy with our primary vocations or just searching out the path God has set for our lives, our brotherhood has now become largely a “virtual” one though no less real. We still share that great bond of serving the Queen Mother of Israel, Queen of the Church and Queen of Heaven. Our Lady keeps us all her sons together and spiritually close. The experience of being a Knight was so profound and affects me so deeply still. One night a few years later I had a dream about it. I was in a large, empty room alone and then, one by one, the Knights began to come into the room. Our greetings were very brief and then each Knight would grab a drink and pull up a chair and start talking. More and more Knights kept coming in until finally the whole room was full. Everyone was talking and laughing and just enjoying our brotherhood. Then, I woke up and it was one of those dreams that left an ache in my heart, that I wished had been true. The Lord, in His goodness, made it true. About 12 years after I left Franciscan University, I had the opportunity to see a group of these guys again during a reunion in Florida. For me, it was very calm and peaceful, an oasis from the struggle of working several jobs and the demanding schedule of family life. Knighthood was so incredible at Franciscan and I wondered if it still would be now. The last time I saw some brothers, we were boys, now we were men. I wondered if things would be the same? Indeed, lots of things changed, but when I walked into the place we were staying and everyone greeted me not as if it had been 12 years, but maybe 12 days. I couldn't believe how easily things picked up where we last left off. A decade just vanished and who we are now just became a part of our fellowship. A lot of guys said it was like heaven, not in a paradise vacation sense of the word but in a true sense of communion. It was truly a huge spiritual event yet, like God, so still and so peaceful. As if that weren't enough, we had another reunion just this past year in New Orleans which was just as great as the first one. We again left feeling refreshed and renewed and ready to take on the world simply by being in each others' company. I say it often and I mean it literally and without exaggeration; these guys made me the man I am. We have all felt the hand of our most august and powerful Queen on our backs. There is such a tenderness and depth of love among these men. I am proud to call them my brothers. Our covenant was not one limited only to our time at the university but one which we strive to live all of our lives. To me, it is the “how to” manual about being a real man. Here’s a brief excerpt: We entrust ourselves and our Household, in this important molding period in our lives, into the womb of Mary, to be formed there by the power of the Holy Spirit into the Body of Christ at Franciscan University, and as we go out to spread His Kingdom throughout the world. A KNIGHT IS A SERVANT The way we treat each other is guided by humility, each kneels to wash the feet of his brother Knight. A KNIGHT IS PURE We call on one another by words and example to purity in our relationships with women. For the honor of our Holy Queen, we may always honor women in our conduct towards them and in all our conversations about them. A KNIGHT IS LOVE The key element of our conduct as a Knight is Love, "the sum of the law and prophets." The love of our God, Mary, and of one another must be the motivation for all that we do. Living out these virtues as Knights, under Mary's mantle of prayer, we must stand back to back on the spiritual battlefield. We entrust ourselves and our Household, in this important molding period in our lives, into the womb of Mary, to be formed there by the power of the Holy Spirit into the Body of Christ at Franciscan University, and as we go out to spread His Kingdom throughout the world. There are certain things that being a Knight demands of us, to honor Mary and stand firm in one another. We must live our lives as loyal brothers. This bond of brotherhood is reached through communal prayer, and sharing our lives together. The way we live our Brotherhood brings honor to our Queen and calls our fellow Knights to holiness I try to keep this covenant at the forefront of every day. To me, being one of Our Lady's Knights is not a boys' club that I joined back in college. I know that I am specially chosen by her as an instrument to bring the Gospel of Jesus Christ to the world. The Knights inspired this very website (if you can't tell). Every word, every thought breathes my knighthood. It is said that a man never really truly comes into his own until he is accepted into a group of other men who love, accept and defend him unconditionally. He needs to feel that he belongs his group, his tribe. Men need other men. The positive manifestations of this need to belong include the many fraternal men's organizations in the Church. Conversely, in our fatherless society, the dark side of this is the proliferation of gangs and college fraternities based largely on sinful acts instead of service and love. Nonetheless, both testify to the need men to be with other men. This is obviously something that goes beyond those of us who struggle with same-sex attraction. Although I have since joined (and even started) other men's groups, it is always because of the inspiration I got from these guys. They are truly my tribe. My fraternity. My boys. My brothers. With their strength and power behind me, I know can do anything and I will fear nothing. Comments are closed.
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